Missing in Action
by Teacup Erinyes
Summary: It's almost Tsunade's 56th birthday and she decides to stage her own amusement, roping in two unexpecting kunoichi and two male jonin. This quickly gets out of control when an audience is involved. KakaSaku, ShikaIno. Some spoilers. strong language. lime.
1. Exhaustion

**AN: (**WARNING SPOILERS**- not many but they are there) **Alright, so this is my first fan fiction. It's set from the last day in July and onwards, months after Sakura has turned 20. I think that makes Ino and Shikamaru 20 aswell, and Kakashi is 34. It is coming up to Tsunade's 56th birthday (August 2nd) and she has decided to have some fun. I don't watch it that much so nearly all of the info I've got is from other fan fics so if it's wrong, please let me know. I like to be as technically accurate as possible. Just to clarify, I have decided that Sasuke is dead, killed by Sakura when she tracks him down for good. Of course, with this being a humor-romance, and being centered on Ino and Sakura, this is never formally acknowledged in the story. I say this to put an explanation to his absence in the "possibilities" discussion in chapter five. This is also set after Asuma's death so that explains why he is also not included in chapter five.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it (and therefore in this story…so far). I do however own this plot. It's all from my sick imagination.

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700 words exactly in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter one- Exhaustion**

Waves of exhaustion worked their way through Sakura's body as she returned from a hard days work at the hospital.

There had been nothing but minor ailments and hypochondriacs to deal with all day so she could honestly say that she felt it would have no additional effect on her medic training except a pointless test of endurance.

Tsunade had been keeping her in every day for the last 4 months, leaving no time for holidays or missions. She decided that she should probably just rest tonight and take a long bath to get rid of that horrible smell of bedpans and dried blood, but it seemed that Ino had other ideas.

Ino had also been working very hard lately, practicing her jutsu to the point of exhaustion aswell as working full time at the Yamanaka's flower shop. She however, had decided that tonight, they were going out.

She had said that if she spent one more night alone with her diary, she was probably going to develop another personality, just to give her something more interesting to write.

So that was it, decided. Sakura still had no idea what her friend had planned for tonight but she knew one thing. It wasn't going to be a book club. So she pulled on a pair of jeans that hugged her hips nicely enough so that Ino wouldn't force her into a skirt, and threw on a tight-fitting printed white and pink t-shirt.

She pulled her candy-pink hair up into a long ponytail and fastened it with a white band while she searched through her cupboard for any shoes that would be appropriate. All she seemed to have at the moment were trainers and soft sandals that she wore to work and train in. there wasn't much point with anything else, seen as she never left her apartment for much else.

She eventually managed the grab hold of some misty-pink ballerina-style pumps and had just pulled them onto her tired feet when the doorbell rang. She ran over to the front door with a sigh.

"Hey forehead-girl" Ino beamed as she stepped through the door, pushing passed her in her haste.

"Oi! Watch it Ino-pig. I won't come with you if you keep pushing about like that" Sakura spat, closing the door.

She turned to glare at Sakura, look of frustration on her face "PMS forehead-girl? I was in a good mood before you went all troublesome on me"

"You've been spending too much time with Shikamaru if you ask me" Sakura laughed

"What?" Ino snapped

"Troublesome?"

"Well… seen as you asked so rudely, you may as well know that I haven't seen him for almost eight months now. He's all locked up with ANBU missions and things."

"So why exactly are you picking up on his habits?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just so used to them, you know? You must surely get that with Naruto or Sasuke." The last name was said with a bitter edge.

"Not really. I mean, Sasuke never said or did anything if he didn't have to and Naruto… well I haven't got rid of him yet"

"I thought he was ANBU aswell."

"Yeah, but it's Naruto we're talking about. He's almost as bad as Kakashi-sensei for forgetting to turn up to meetings and things. I doubt they even bother asking him to come anymore."

"Oh yeah. I remember Shika saying something like that. When he's not in those meetings himself he spends most of his time explaining them to Naruto."

"Can't we just leave all that alone tonight Ino-pig? I spend enough of my time dealing wit those idiots without them invading my downtime aswell. I can't remember the last time I haven't been treating one of them for one stupid injury or another."

"Ok. Let's not talk about Shika or Naruto or Sasuke or Chouji or Sai or the sensei for the rest of the night. Are you ready to go?"

"Sure. Where are we going?"

"To a bar" Ino smirked

"A bar! Seriously? But we're only…"

"Twenty years old?" Ino interrupted, laughing "Have you seriously been working so long you've forgotten how old you are?

"I suppose I must have been"


	2. Message

AN: I hope you enjoyed chapter one. I actually wrote nearly 9 chapters of this at once so if some are longer than others, it is only because I thought it would be cruel (or not cruel enough) to cut it off earlier. I decided not to add any party details in here because I'm not very good at describing them. Use your own imagination; it's much more fun that way. This is now August 1st, the morning after the party and the day before Tsunade's birthday. Disclaimer still applies.

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814 words in this chapter 

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter two- Message**

_Argh. My head hurts so much._ Sakura thought as she woke the following morning to the sound of a radio, pumping out high-pitched pop music. _I didn't turn that on, did I?_

She rolled over to reach for the offending item with the full intent of throwing it against the wall with full effort, chakra building up in her arms.

She didn't get too far though, as her rolling action landed her in a heap on the floor. The wooden floor that felt ice-cold to the touch, something that would be oddly comforting in the current warm climate, had it not been for the fact that she had landed against it so brutally.

She reached up with a stiff hand, still glowing with chakra, to push herself up again, locking onto the hard surface.

Sakura did a quick double take. _Wood? I don't have a wooden floor. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I don't have a radio either. Where the hell am I?_

She stood up as quickly as she could, head still pounding, and attempted to look around with weary eyes. Her vision blurred and her balance failing, she only managed to make out the purple couch she had obviously been lying on and about another two dozen more purple shapes dotted around the room. _There's only one person I know with such an obsession for purple._

"Ino?" she called out, a careful tone to her voice in case she was wrong.

"Hey forehead-girl! You finally woke up?" Ino's voice came out cheerily from another room.

"_A little too cheerily if you ask me" _Inner Sakura scowled. A voice like that only ever meant one thing… scheming.

_Yeah well I didn't ask you, did I? _Sakura frowned at herself and staggered off to follow the voice.

"_Well… it has to be said. She's up to something. If we are in a state like this, then she has to be worse. She drank waaaay more than we did_"

_That's a good point actually. She doesn't seem any different_

"_See. I told you I was right. Don't trust her, she's a clone!"_

"Shut up!" Sakura yelled out loud, clamping her hands to the side of her face as she stepped into the small kitchen.

Ino looked up at her, mug in hand, and smiled "feeling rough forehead-girl?" she teased, passing over the mug.

Sakura took it from her with a glare of contempt, but didn't protest any more as the strong smell of coffee soothed her temper and her headache.

"You know Forehead… if you can't overcome a night of drinking like that, you'll never be a successful kunoichi like me"

"Whatever Ino-pig. You're not as hot as you think you are you know" Sakura spat back lamely

"Oh really? I guess I'll just take that coffee back and leave you to find out about Tsunade-sama's message all by yourself then. I hope you can find your own way home aswell, you sure need a shower" she snickered, holding her nose between her fingers for exaggeration.

"I've got a message from Tsunade? I thought she said I could have today off for training."

Ino shrugged and grabbed for the mug in Sakura's hand "Well good luck with that"

"Don't be such a pig Ino-pig!" Sakura protested, holding it tight to her chest to avoid it spilling in the tussle.

"Oooh! That's original!" Ino giggled

"Fine! I'm sorry for calling you un-hot". "_No you are not. It's the truth!" I know. I'm sorry for calling her it to her face though. Now shut up and leave me alone. "But you are alone. I'm you remember"_

"Hey forehead-girl. Are you talking to yourself in your head again? It's quite insane you know."

"I know." Sakura sighed, leaning up against the counter.

"You know Forehead… if you can't maintain your sanity, you'll never be…"

"Don't go there Ino-pig." Sakura glared daggers back at her.

"It doesn't matter anyway. You haven't got enough time to go back home now. We've got less than an hour till we've got to be in Tsunade-sama's office. You can use my shower but you'll have to face her in your party clothes."

"Oh Kami! Less than an hour?" Sakura put down the mug with a bang, panic setting in.

"That's what she said. Eleven, in her office, me and you"

"Why just us? We didn't do anything too bad last night, did we?"

"Don't be ridiculous. If it was that we were in trouble, she wouldn't give us a set time would she? She would have made me get you up and drag you over immediately"

"Wrong again Ino-pig. She would have yelled so loud you wouldn't need to get me up."

"Well you should still hurry up so we're not late. Even if she's not angry with us, turning up hung-over **and** late might send her over the edge"


	3. Certain type of skill

AN: this is a pretty long one compared to the others. You'll understand why when you see where it finishes. I'm not evil enough to leave it here though. All will be explained in chapter four. This might be a slight dig at my sister's opinion of Sakura and Ino as a couple. Disclaimer still applies.

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1092 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter three- Certain type of skill**

They needn't have bothered.

By the time Sakura and Ino had turned up for their meeting, Tsunade's last appointment had only just turned up. They had no idea who it was but she had insisted on seeing them before the kunoichis.

This immediately put them on edge, realizing that the last appointment would have done the one thing that Sakura and Ino dreaded. It would've put Tsunade in a bad mood.

Sakura sat fiddling with her uncomfortable pumps while Ino desperately caked on layer after layer of foundation to cover up the rings under her eyes, the only sign of her heavy night's drinking. This was all they could do as they waited outside the office for another hour while waiting for their call inside.

"What do you think they are doing in there?" Sakura asked impatiently.

"Huh? What? Who?" Ino looked over at her with one eye, the other still fixated on her reflection in the small purple compact mirror she held up in front of her face.

"Whoever she's got in there. They've been in there for more than an hour."

"Well… they've probably spent half an hour, if not more, getting an earful from Tsunade-sama about being late, so really, it hasn't been too long for a normal meeting."

"Stop trying to act smarter than you are, Ino-pig" Sakura sulked that she hadn't come up with it herself

"Sorry forehead. I forgot that was your job." Ino smiled back before returning to her compact

"I am smarter than you!"

Ino didn't get time to retaliate as the door to the Hokage's office swung open and two slouched figures stepped out, each regarding the girls with similar expressions of boredom and disinterest. She looked up and quickly snapped her mirror back into her pocket at the sight of the two jonins.

Sakura glanced up and scoffed "should've known" _Those lazy asses never turn up on time. If I'd have realized it was them before us, I could've gone home and changed properly._

Kakashi smiled back at Sakura. Or rather, his one exposed eye crinkled in a way that made it look like he was smiling. "Good morning Sakura-chan"

Both Sakura and Shikamaru grunted at his cheery attitude and incorrect assumption of the time of day before the door to the office swung open again.

Shizune stepped out looking slightly flustered "Yamanaka-san, Sakura-san, you can come in now"

Without another glance at the two guys, they followed the older woman into Tsunade's office.

The door shut itself behind them and they were shocked to be faced by the Hokage, not clenching her fists in frustration like they had imagined in their minds, but in a completely different expression.

She sat leaning back in her chair, arms calmly rested on the edge of the desk, and a huge (if slightly suspicious) grin on her face. "Ah! My two favorite young kunoichis! Come! Sit down!" she gestured lightly to the two chairs set out before her.

They both shot a cautious glance towards Shizune, who gave them a forced smile before going to lean against the far wall, behind Tsunade. They took this as a signal that she wasn't on drugs and it would be safe to approach.

Ino couldn't help but to wonder how it was exactly that Shikamaru and Kakashi had managed to put her into such a good mood when they had turned up late. _Did they actually let her win a bet or something? Why would Shika even bother trying? And most importantly, why doesn't he ever put me in a good mood like that? I t must have been Kakashi-sensei's doing. It's the only plausible explanation._

Sakura was thinking along much the same lines as they took their seats. _Tsunade-sama never smiles at the end of a meeting with Kakashi-sensei. He always annoys her somehow. That's why team 7 always got the crappy missions. The only way she could end up like this would be if he paid her, and it's a well known fact that Kakashi-sensei never pays for anything. It must have been Shikamaru's doing. It's the only plausible explanation._

"A little overdressed don't you think Sakura?" Tsunade observed, grin still present on her face as she leant forward towards them.

"Gomen Tsunade-sama. I didn't have time to get dressed this morning because… well I didn't get to go home because…" Sakura blushed, embarrassed to have to explain, hoping to avoid the subject of last night's activities.

"It doesn't matter Sakura. I was merely making small talk. How did you get the message if you didn't go home?"

"She stayed the night at my apartment Tsunade-sama" Ino interrupted, saving her friend the effort. Another habit she seemed to have picked up as a result of Shikamaru's presence over the years.

"Oh." Tsunade sat back, slightly alarmed. "So you two are…?"

"What?!" Ino gasped out horrified.

Sakura sweat dropped "that's so gross!"

"You're not gay then?" Tsunade asked, just to clarify.

"No!!" both girls chorused while Shizune snickered quietly in the background.

"Good, because then I'd have to ask Hinata and Tenten and somehow, I don't think they are quite suitable for the job."

"Huh?" Ino frowned.

"What job?" Sakura felt her heart fill with dread "you said I was on leave"

"You are… for training." The Hokage had a devious glint in her eye that neither kunoichi liked the look of.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this?" Ino sighed, sinking into her chair.

"Oh dear Kami no. You're going to love it Ino, I'm quite sure of that. That's why you were chosen."

"Chosen for what?"

"Let me explain. During your time as a kunoichi, there will be certain missions that will require a very particular skill. Not all kunoichis are capable of handling this type of mission, so what I intend to do, starting with your generation, is to choose two kunoichi from each year of students that go through the academy to train specifically with this type of skill. You two are my first students."

"What type of skill? A new jutsu?" Sakura began to feel a little exited. _Something that Tenten and Hinata will not be able to do but I can? Hell yeah!!_

"Not exactly Sakura."

"Just tell them, for Kami's sake Tsunade." Shizune snapped "I'm not standing here for another one hour meeting for no reason other than the fact that you can't help raise the tensions in a room before you speak properly."

"Fine." Tsunade sulked "girls. Beginning today, you are starting… seduction training."


	4. Birthday treat

AN: just to make this clear to all who may be offended by the comments on Tenten and Hinata. Maybe I don't like Hinata that much, but I love Tenten to bits, she's just like me. The comments are only there to demonstrate Tsunade's reasoning, not to dig at the other characters. I must admit that I may be taking liberties with Sakura's character, and the fact that it is set in the future, but she annoys me slightly, so I'd like to see her mature this way. Ino should be pretty straight up though, and Tsunade… well you'll see. Disclaimer still applies.

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686 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter four- Birthday treat**

"Girls. Beginning today, you are starting… seduction training"

Both girls flushed over completely white in shock. They didn't say anything but glanced briefly at each other before sinking their heads towards the ground. They sat for a while before they summed up the courage to say something. Sakura spoke first, falling over her words.

"Why us Tsunade-sama? No wait, I can understand why Ino"

"_Because she's practically slutty enough anyway" _Inner Sakura giggled to herself

She ignored her other voice and continued "but why me?"

"I thought I made that clear" Tsunade reminded her "Tenten and Hinata…"

Inner Sakura couldn't help but to giggle again as she conjured up pictures of the two kunoichi trying to seduce someone into giving them information. Tenten would probably just give up and settle for her usual methods of extracting information- sharp, shiny knives and Hinata… well she'd pass out before getting anywhere near.

Sakura turned to see that Ino was having just as much difficulty in imagining the events but couldn't contain herself, letting out a string of gasped out chuckles.

"Gomen…mental…images…"she squealed out between the fits of laughter

"So you get my reasoning?" Tsunade tried to move things back to the matter at hand, although she too was smiling in the way that showed held back laughter.

"Hai" Sakura grumbled "but it doesn't mean I have to agree with the idea"

"Well I'm sorry Sakura but we really need two of you for this. If one is out on a mission and we get an urgent mission like this…"

"I understand."

"Alright well, there isn't much we can do right away today, but I will need to gage exactly where you are skill-wise, so I've organized a test of your abilities to take place tomorrow."

"How do you mean? A test of our abilities?" Ino asked politely, her amusement under control now.

"I will class it as a mission and you are to treat it as such, but it will basically be a training exercise. That doesn't mean it won't be difficult though and I mean that. You'll be asked to receive a piece of information from someone that I have assigned you, and will be prevented from using any weapons except that of your own body. That means that you will have no chakra access, no weapons, and no contact with others that do have any of those things. I will be receiving a report from each of the men aswell as timing it to help me assess your skills"

"So you're asking us to seduce info out of some random guy you pair us with? That's it?" Ino looked skeptical.

"It won't be as easy as you think Ino. The guys you are paired with will be very hard to get the information out of."

"Well… do we at least get to find out who it is we have to seduce?"

"Hai." Tsunade stated simply, expression unchanged as the girls leant forward in anticipation. "Tomorrow morning, when your mission starts. You'll receive no prior information except that which you will already know about them."

They sat back in frustration and waited to receive their final dismissal.

"Oh, and girls?"

"Yes Tsunade-sama?" they both answered

"This may take longer than a day. You might want to pack some spare clothes, cosmetics, nightwear; you know… that kind of stuff. Or not. I'm not criticizing your methods. Don't go asking around tonight either. They know who you are and are bound to secrecy towards both you, and the remaining members of your teams."

Sakura mulled it over for a while before catching on "wait… remaining members? Does that mean…?"

Tsunade ignored her "you are dismissed. I expect to see you here at 9 sharp tomorrow morning, no excuses."

"Yes Tsunade-sama." They chorused again and walked solemnly out of the office.

"You gave too much away Tsunade" Shizune shook her head after they had left

"I couldn't help it. I love the drama… I guess my fellow sennin have rubbed off on me more than I thought. This is going to be fun for me anyway, what better birthday treat?"


	5. Team mates

AN: I decided here to have a little reunion between the boys who first got given concentration tasks from Iruka-sensei for misbehaving. It makes sense to me that they would stick together, I mean, Kiba doesn't seem like he fits in with his team in terms of social life, because he actually has one. This is mostly just a demonstration of _how_ exactly Sakura never seems to get them all out of the hospital. You can really imagine the four of them (five with Shika) getting into all sorts of trouble. Mainly humor this one. Disclaimer still applies.

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840 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter five- Team mates**

"So Sakura… who do you think it'll be?" Ino asked in a sing-song voice, obviously basking in the idea.

"Do we have to talk about this?"

"Yes we do"

Sakura sighed "it's a team mate. We know that for sure"

"What? How did you figure that one out?"

"'_The remaining members of your teams'? _She meant other than us and them, meaning that we are on the same teams."

"Not necessarily. It could be that they can't tell our team mates and theirs, in which case we don't have to be on the same team. Surely that would make more sense, seen as she also said that she had already asked them. She couldn't possibly know that we'd say yes so she's much more likely to cover all bases on it in case we ended up saying no.

"Also… if it is those from our teams, I doubt she is evil enough to put us with someone on our **own** team, otherwise it might jeopardize team relationships."

"That's only if your team isn't very professional. After all this is a mission, not an actual attempt at courtship."

"She wouldn't though, would she?"

"Wouldn't what?"

"Wouldn't put us with a team mate." Ino chewed on her bottom lip

"I certainly wouldn't put it passed her" Sakura frowned back, but when she noticed Ino's nervous action, decided to change tactics and put on a fake concerned face. "I wouldn't eat your entire lip if I was you off Ino-pig. There'll be none left for Chouji"

Ino went white again briefly, frozen in position and pulling to a halt in the street. "She'd better not." She muttered out meekly"I'd either die or cry… or maybe both"

Sakura turned to face her and smiled "not so hot now are you?"

"Don't laugh Sakura, it's not funny. How would you feel if I suggested that you invest in some ramen-flavored lip-gloss so you can pucker up for Na…?"

"Shut up Ino-pig. Like, right now" Sakura's eyes snapped wide as she glared off passed Ino's shoulder

"Why? You're allowed to make fun of me but I'm not allowed to-"

"Sakura-chan! Ino-chan!" a familiar voice yelled out right behind Ino, and she suddenly realized what Sakura had been glaring at.

"Jeez, Naruto, you loudmouthed little…" insert random muffled swearwords here while she held a hand to her ear, turning to face him "you almost deafened me! Do you have to be so bloody loud all of the time?"

Then her gaze shifted to the others beside him. Chouji and Kiba were standing, looking anywhere else but towards Ino, fearing that if they made eye contact, she would start on them.

Naruto continued on regardless of consequences "Have you guys seen Shikamaru around?"

"He was with Kakashi-sensei last we saw." Sakura informed him "Why?"

"Why was he with Kaka-sensei? Oh, never mind. Anyways Sakura-chan, old lady Tsunade said you weren't in the hospital today, that you were on leave or something."

"Why were you at the hospital Naruto?"

"Ah. Well um…"he shuffled his feet and held his hand around the back of his neck, flushing a dark red colour

"It's a great story actually," Kiba began "you see, we were heading down towards-"He stopped talking as Chouji's hand slapped over his mouth, stopping the words from leaving.

Chouji soon realized his mistake as Kiba sunk his teeth into the palm of his hand and he stepped back, squeaking in pain.

"If you wanted me not to tell you could have just said so" Kiba pointed out with a snarl, backed up with a quick yap from Akamaru.

Naruto ignored them both as they headed off back to the hospital for the second time that day. "So Sakura, um… are you doing anything tomorrow? If you have the day off then we could…"

"She has a mission" Ino snapped at him "something we need to be preparing for ok, so run along and play doctors with your friends"

He glared at her in surprise for a second, wondering whether to challenge her or not, but eventually thought better of it and ran off after the others "Kiba! Chouji! Wait up! Does this mean we aren't going for ramen?"

"Well that rules him out" Sakura sighed in relief

"Still ambiguous about Chouji but I think I'm safe. Oh dear Kami I just had a thought!"

"Shocking! You ought to be careful Ino-pig. You don't want to wear that tiny little brain of yours out"

"You know what? Just for that, I'm not going to tell you anymore"

"Yes you are. If only because you can never keep your mouth shut"

"Ok fine. You win. But only because I let you win"

"Hn"

"You see! Hah! You do have Sasuke-isms"

"Ino…" Sakura said warningly

"Ok, chill out. I just thought… that you might… get set up with Sai. You lucky cow. If you do and you have to seduce him, I am so going to kill you, alright?"

"Go ahead. I think that actually sounds a better alternative"

"You lie forehead-girl"


	6. Clock times given to idiots

AN: I actually have to do this sometimes. I sometimes do think I am a female Shikamaru. Anyway…kind of long and boring probably should have split it up. Never mind. The first bit may seem pointless now but it will be very important in later chapters. Note that she isn't tying her hair up any longer. That is really important. It's Tsunade's birthday now. The fun begins… for her. Disclaimer still applies.

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1795 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter six- Clock times given to idiots**

Ino spent all night tossing and turning. Knowing what she had to do today gave her no rest, though the real reason that she lost sleep was what she didn't know.

She seriously doubted that what Sakura had said yesterday was true. It couldn't be that she would be paired with a member of her team, as none of them were available. Chouji was still in hospital while his palm healed, to ensure that it wouldn't get infected (which with Chouji would be a distinct possibility). Shikamaru had told her last night that he was going on a mission tomorrow, using it as an excuse not to come to the monthly Ino-Shika-Cho reunion meal.

Ino had not been as lucky as this month's get together had been placed at the Yamanaka residence so there was no way she could avoid it. After an hour long argument with her father, she had finally given in on the grounds that, it may distract her from her thoughts.

So she sat with the three families, without the presence of her team mates, listening to them talk on about their time as team mates, not to mention questioning her. It was a kind of game that the parents of team 10 had started up a long time ago, to find out the most embarrassing facts about their children, for use in chore blackmail.

Ino had never felt so alone. Although she had had to face them alone before, for some reason the questions she had faced seemed to strike deeper than before. She knew fine well that her father intended to marry her to either Shikamaru or Chouji, despite her objections, but she never even thought of it seriously.

When Sakura suggested that she might have to… well that put thoughts into her head that she never expected or wanted to be there. It was too much.

_Damn you Tsunade-sama_ was all she could think of when she remembered everything that had happened yesterday, and then what she had to do today.

She still didn't really know what it was she would have to do, and that was the worst part. Sure, she wasn't exactly virginal in any of these matters, but this time it would be her trying to go after someone, rather than the other way around. She was used to men falling all over her, so the last time she really attempted to flirt with someone who didn't respond the exact way she wanted was Sasuke… and that had ended badly.

She dreaded what she would be faced with today. Would he be ugly? Cold? Messy? Brutal? It was a fair bet that he would be smart, probably a jonin of high rank. ANBU? There was so much she didn't know, so much she was un-prepared for.

She turned and glanced at her clock. It was 8 already. She had lost track of time while fretting over the details of her task.

She quickly got up, showered and grabbed her bag that she had packed the night before. There was no time for anything else, and she usually skipped breakfast so there was no major loss there. She had thrown on her usual mini-skirt and halter-neck combo, leaving her jonin vest alone but tying her forehead protector around her tiny waist (she never wore the vest because she thought it made her look fat). It was a "mission" after all.

When she got to Tsunade's office, she was out of breath from rushing around and collapsed into one of the chairs outside, next to Sakura. She looked over to Sakura and noticed that she didn't look nearly as tired. She was dressed in her chunin vest over a light vest-top and long, black sweatpants (she had never had enough time to progress to jonin level). She had her hair tied up with an elastic band and her forehead protector lined up square onto her forehead. She looked so professional in comparison

"How the hell did you sleep last night? I'm completely shattered." Ino moaned at her friend.

Sakura turned her head around to face her like she was the dimmest creature alive. "I'm a medic-nin remember. I'm an expert at sending people asleep, myself included"

"Well I see you aren't going to make an effort for him. If anything, I think you're wearing more clothes than you usually do"

"I'm not a slut Ino-pig" Sakura took an amused glance at Ino's barely existent outfit. "This is a mission"

"Yeah… but we aren't exactly hunting rogues, are we? At least I hope not"

"Still. I try to be at least slightly professional."

Ino was about to object when Shizune walked out and beckoned them over her shoulder as she stomped off down the corridor "go in."

She was in a worse mood than yesterday. The two kunoichi made their way cautiously into the office and stood in the middle of the room, waiting for orders.

Tsunade glanced up and frowned. "She's gone, hasn't she?"

Sakura gave her a brief smile "Yes Tsunade-sama."

"Damn it. I'll be back in a minute. Sit down for a while." With that she stood up and left them alone in the room.

Ino glanced up at the clocks in her office, noting that there were two; one set a half hour behind the other. The top clock showed the time to be 9:05. The bottom clock showed it to be 8:35. She leant forward to read the written label above the second clock.

_Clock for times given to idiots. (Nara, Hatake, Uzumaki) _

She let out a quick giggle at Tsunade's initiative. She had done the exact same thing with a clock in her own house, knowing that Shikamaru was useless at keeping his attention span running for long enough to do anything useful with that massive brain of his. Apparently, turning up on time was too troublesome.

Sakura gave her an odd look and she pointed out what she had been laughing about. Sakura glanced over and smiled. "Yeah, she put that in a few years ago. I think Kakashi-sensei figured it out though so he still turns up late. It only gets her angry now. That clock has been thrown across the room more times than she's lost a bet, which is a lot."

"Why is Naruto's name up there? He doesn't turn up late, does he? I thought he was much too eager to impress the Hokage."

"Oh, well… no. he doesn't turn up late, but it does take Tsunade-sama twice as long to explain missions and things to him, so she gets him to come earlier."

"Makes sense." Ino sat down on one of the chairs, combing through her still slightly damp hair with her fingers. "Any more ideas yet?" she asked Sakura.

Sakura sat down next to her "I've been trying not to think about it. I can't think of a plan without knowing who I'm dealing with and so far that has been fruitless so…"

"Well I've been doing some prying" Ino smirked proudly "and I know for a fact that you were wrong yesterday because there was only one member of my team left and that was Shika. Anyway, I was talking to him last night and Shikamaru is-"

"Late!" Tsunade called as she bounded back into the office "both of them, as usual. I just sent some chunins to check and they are both still in bed!"

She sat down at her desk as they simply stared back in shock as she tried to calm herself down. "I'm sorry girls. I promise you won't have to wait much longer. Not after my death threats. You'd think even with extra time allowed the miserable sons of bitches could bother to make an effort but no. obviously the male species isn't that advanced yet."

Ino's proud smile was wiped off her face as the Hokage's words sunk in properly. "You mean…Shikamaru…?"

Sakura gulped, remembering the other name on the clock, and finished in a week voice "and Kakashi…?"

"What?" Tsunade smiled "you mean you didn't figure it out? I must say I'm slightly disappointed. My two favorite young kunoichi couldn't figure out something basic like that?"

Sakura barely heard her as her inner voice screamed out so loud it was deafening to her other senses "_Kakashi!!! That's so sick! There is no way we are flirting with our sensei! Tell her! Pull out now! Oh Kami. We are going to be mentally scarred if we go ahead with this. Like, Sasuke scarred. The man's a complete pervert!"_

"But he's my sensei" Sakura said out loud, voice cracking in fear.

"Ex-sensei Sakura. He's just a team-mate now." Tsunade corrected her "But… if you feel too uncomfortable, that'll still show me your skill level. I told you it wouldn't be easy for either of you"

"What do you mean, for either of us? Ino and Shikamaru are practically married already"

"By force forehead-girl. It's not like we're attracted to each other. Plus, he's got a 200+ IQ remember. Do you really think it's going to be easy for me to out maneuver him?" Ino sulked

"But at least you've spent time with him. You know, personally. I know some of Kakashi's jutsu, and that he's obsessed with those porn books, nothing else."

"Hold on, back up a second. What do you mean, personally? You make it sound like we feel each other up or something"

"No. I just meant…" _oh Kami. Sudden thought. Skin to skin contact. Skin to skin contact with Kakashi-sensei. "Ewwwwwwww!!! Make it go away!" _"I feel sick"

"You can still drop out Sakura. " Tsunade told her sympathetically "I'm sure he'll appreciate the extra time in bed"

_Oh no. what would he think of me? I've always been the failure in my team. I can't drop out now. _Without looking at the others in the room she sighed "No. I will do this." "_What!!! Don't be stupid!!" _"For Konoha's sake."

"Good girl." Tsunade smirked before turning to Ino "What about you Ino?"

"I won't let Sakura beat me in this." She nodded "just promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"No-one finds out about this, especially anyone by the name of Nara, Yamanaka or Akimichi."

"I think that's fair. I mean, you wouldn't want wedding bells going before you'd even finished the mission"

"So what is it we need to find out from them Tsunade-sama?" Sakura brought the Hokage out of her day-dream.

"You'll need to figure that out yourself. Trust me; you'll know when you figure it out. You ready?"

Both kunoichi nodded reluctantly in reply.

"Right… they're here now. Have fun!" then she brought her hands together in a number of different positions before their vision of her blurred and they fell into darkness.


	7. Is the fridge full?

AN: warning may require brain use. I love messing with his head. He's so used to doing it to everyone else; it's about time he got a taste of his own medicine. Don't worry if it doesn't all make sense. It's mostly for the benefit of later chapters. I put a little bit of research into this one, but if any of it is wrong, please do tell me. Disclaimer still applies.

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1257 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter seven- Is the fridge full?**

Sakura stood in the black for a while before deciding to walk forward. _If I can only find a wall, I can follow it around. Keep feeling for a door, some furniture, any clue to my location._

The lack of a breeze let her know that she was inside a building somewhere. She took her sandals off quickly and placed her feet back down onto a soft, thick carpet. Her first reaction was to feel out with her chakra to test the environment, but immediately felt it blocked off. Suddenly remembering that she couldn't use her ninja abilities in here, she gave up trying and regained her wall finding objective.

A few steps later she met resistance across her legs. Reaching to feel forward she found nothing at torso height so she came to the conclusion that whatever it was, it was not a wall, merely a piece of furniture.

Before she could check to see what it was she had bumped into, she heard a quiet _Poof _from behind her. She slowly turned in the direction of the noise, not that it made any difference as it was still as dark as it was before.

"Shit!" Kakashi's voice came out from in front of her. After a second of rustling sounds a small light lit up from his hand, enabling Sakura to see the outline of his torso, his arms, and the little orange book he held on to. He sighed, opening the book. "That's better"

"Sensei?" Sakura ventured, stepping closer.

"Hmm?" He replied, not paying her much attention.

"Give me that" she demanded, putting her hand out for the match he held as she walked right up to him

"I don't think you'd like it Sakura-chan. It's more of a guy's book"

"Not the book you pervert, the match. I need to check out the room. You know, to find a door, a light switch?"

He reached back into his pocket and carelessly threw the box of matches in her direction. "Knock yourself out"

She grunted and looked inside the box, staying just inside the small ring of light that Kakashi created. She quickly took one out and lit it, holding it up so that she could see around the room.

She found a wall quite quickly and put her left hand against it, following it along while searching along it with the match.

"Go left" Kakashi told her

"What?" She turned to face him to find him looking up over the top of his book at her. "Why?"

"Your instinct made you go right. Sod's law says that it would be on the left, just to make you go further"

She frowned at him and continued going right, only to find the light switch about two feet later. She switched it on to illuminate the room and blew out the match she held. She turned back to Kakashi with a smirk. "I always trust my instinct"

To her frustration, he didn't even look at her as he calmly walked over to the small seating booth in the corner of the room and sat down, blowing out his own match.

"Thank you Sakura" she grumbled to herself as she looked around the room herself.

It was a small apartment, with a tiny kitchen next to the booth that Kakashi was now reading in, opposite a double bed and a sliding door. She rushed forward to the door and pushed it over to find only a small bathroom. There were no other rooms or doors from the apartment. _No escape. We're alone now._

She went over and sat down on the edge of the bed, putting down her bag and letting out a sigh. _Come one Sakura. You know what you're dealing with now. Come up with a plan. How do you seduce Kakashi? _

"_Ughh that sounds weird. You should have dropped this when you had the choice."_ Inner Sakura fumed.

_Shut up. It's too late now._ She glanced over to him._ Well at least you don't have to worry about skin to skin contact. There's practically none of it left uncovered. Maybe that's it, the reason for the mask. Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable with others touching his skin._

_So that's the first point. Don't force him into anything intimate. If he feels uncomfortable with it, then the direct approach won't do anything but force him away. So no huge skin displays or "accidental" brushes. He must be attracted to others though, other women, otherwise he wouldn't read those books so much. _

_Ok, second point. Get him to make the first move. He'll be expecting me to try something direct, because that's how I usually handle things, so I need to be more subtle. Not too slutty, but intriguing. He's intelligent, he'll respond to that. That means that he also won't respond to my current childish attitude. I'm treating him like my sensei still and that will just make us both uncomfortable._

_Third point. Treat him like an equal. Yes he's still my superior in age and rank but if I don't, he'll never take me seriously. If I keep acting like the Sakura he knew, it will be much too easy for him to ruffle my hair and laugh me off. Drop the suffix. Act intelligent._

She looked around the room again and said "Gen-jutsu"

Kakashi looked up in surprise and dropped his book. _It's working! He actually put the book down._ "What?"

"This place" she replied, as if he'd done nothing unusual "It's a Gen-jutsu. Probably based in an already locked room but basically used to make the space large enough. It's set to return to its normal state once a certain word is said, like a key."

"How could you figure that out Sakura?" He asked, trying to keep the shock from his voice. Obviously this was a detail Tsunade had told him in advance as part of the mission.

"Just common sense Kakashi" she shrugged, turning to face him properly, watching for a reaction to this use of his name. To her joy, he flinched. " There are no exit doors, so there would be no way that all of this furniture could get in here on it's own, considering that there is a chakra blocking field around this entire area, which would block transportation jutsu. You could say that it was put in here and then the doorway was sealed up, but the room is fully decorated, with no gap in the wallpaper. Also…" she stood up and wiped a finger across the kitchen counter surface "no dust. This is defiantly Gen-jutsu, being sustained from an outside source." She shot him a quick smile. "It also strikes me as strange that Tsunade-sama would tell us to pack for days, but not ask us to tell our families and team mates, which makes me think that it is also some form of time-illusion technique. Your Sharingan could tell you that but you can't use it so I'm pretty much sure that your expression right now means that you already got told, am I right?"

He simply glared back at her. She calmly walked across the room and picked up her sandals, moving them to a spot by the wall.

"Of course" she sighed "you've been told not to say anything. Well, I'm sure we have plenty of time in here. About a week before lunch time?"

"Sakura-chan" he breathed, slightly confused.

"Yes Kakashi?" she turned to him again.

Another flinch "Is the fridge full?" he asked stoically, returning to his book.


	8. I think of clouds

AN: this is where the mature content starts to come in. Just for know, Ino is just trying to figure out a plan. Unlike Sakura though, she isn't quite as intelligent in the way that she figures it out. This is the start of a discussion of kinds, showing the pros and cons of the direct approach in comparison to subtlety. This becomes more apparent later on in the story, when POV's change. Again a lot of this is only for reference in later chapters. Disclaimers still applied.

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1048 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter eight- I think of clouds**

Ino sat on the floor in the darkness, opposite Shikamaru.

As usual when the two got in a room together, the first thing they did was argue.

"It's just… so insensitive!" Ino told him angrily

He just yawned and sat back, resting on his hands, glad for a second that he couldn't actually see the uptight kunoichi but regretting the fact that he could still hear her.

"You knew that I was going to be forced into going and you still didn't come and support me. You know what they are like. This mission is not an excuse! You don't even have to do anything! Ughh, the nerve to say that you needed rest and then leave me to deal with them on my own! I bet you even talked to Chouji beforehand aswell didn't you. I bet you told him, rather than waiting for him to call you when you didn't turn up. Did you?"

"I went to see him in the hospital because someone said they were looking for me. That was it."

"So you knew that he wouldn't be there either and came to the conclusion that that meant it didn't matter if you weren't there either?! How dare you! I needed you there Shikamaru… so badly." Her voice went quiet, hinting at something but she drew away from it quickly, the frustration returning in her tone. "And why the hell is there no light in here?!"

"The light isn't turned on" he told her, bored.

"What? Don't be stupid! That's such a…"

He cut her off abruptly by standing up and walking to the wall where the light switch was, switching it on and leaning against the wall in a lazy pose that just oozed the impression that internally he was calling her troublesome.

She stared around the room in horror, taking in the dirt-simple decoration with a critical eye (AN: it's a carbon copy of the other room so I won't go into massive descriptions mode). "How long have you known that was there?"

"Pretty much right away" he shrugged.

"And you didn't say anything?! Why didn't you do that earlier?"

"You didn't ask"

"Oh Kami Shika…" She stopped herself as she remembered her mission. She had to stop treating him like the Shikamaru she's always been friends with and start treating him like… well like someone she was attracted to. She thought back in her experience to guys like him she had flirted with. Emotionless, uncaring, smart guys with dark eyes, dark hair… all she could think of was Sasuke.

Although the idea of comparing the Nara boy to the almighty god of an Uchiha registered in Ino's head as something close to blasphemy, it did somehow make sense. He was always telling her how much of a waste of time her efforts with Sasuke were and how she deserved better. Maybe he really was jealous. Maybe he wanted to be treated like that himself.

_Yes. That does make sense. He never gets that kind of attention from girls, and it's obvious from his reaction to Tamari's advances that he doesn't like the tough girls. They must remind him of his mother too much._

_That's it then, step one. Stop bossing him about. He likes to take control. That's why he's such a good leader. He's a good strategist and he hates it when others treat him as anything less than that. He wants to be recognized for who he is, rather than for his outside actions. That might explain why he's so lazy all of the time. It could also explain why he hated Sasuke so much. He got all of our attention even when he was a cold, arrogant bastard (yes I'm finally admitting it). _

_Step two. Treat him like Sasuke. Ok, this one might not work as well but it will throw him off and that's all I need to figure out my next step. I live in the moment, I'm useless at plans._

"Shika-_kun_" she finished. "Let's not argue. I'm sorry I yelled."

"Fine." He shrugged again and went over to lie on the bed.

_This is too easy_ she sighed and went to lie next to him, leaning on one arm as she stared up and down his body. _This is weird. At least he's in his uniform, nothing's tight-fitting or anything._ She watched as he closed his eyes and put his arms behind his head in a relaxed manner.

"Shika-kun" she cooed softly, reaching her spare hand up to draw circles on the edge of his vest. _Ok, so that's not something I did with Sasuke but I always wanted to. Hmm, interesting thought. Shika-kun, my willing Sasuke._ "you're always so laid back and calm. How do you do it?"

He raised an eyebrow at her as his eyes glanced at her position. She smiled in a sweet, innocent way, not directly at his face so it looked like she was dreamingly thinking of something. _How glad am I no one can see this? My dad would probably cry with joy._

"I think of clouds" he replied evenly, regaining his stance.

"Wow Shika-kun, that's so…" _Cute? Girly? Queer?_ "Fascinating. I wish I could be like you… to sit and watch the clouds all day, without a worry in the world. Do you not ever think about things? Like, missions, money, _women?_"

"Too troublesome"

"But if you don't, how are you ever going to get that life you always talked about… the wife and kids?"

He gave her that strange, sideways grin of his; still keeping his eyes shut "I always have you"

"But do you actually want me?" _because I don't really want you but I need to know, for future reference. _

"Does that matter?"

"Please tell me Shika-kun." She said in a sing-song voice that she hoped wasn't too annoying.

"I don't want to offend you" he sighed, but she knew that what he really meant. He didn't want to have her crying on him like she did whenever Sasuke rejected her.

"No then." She didn't sound too disappointed deliberately, opting instead for the carefree tone that he uses to say everything in. _I guess I'll just have to make you want me then._

He stayed silent, trying not to change her un-characteristic good mood.


	9. Her precious youth

AN: short one, mostly filler but yay for POV change. They aren't in first person but they are centered from one person's viewpoint every time. I try to only show one person's thought in each chapter, to avoid confusion. This time, it's Kakashi. I decided that he should be just as observant as Sakura, so that they really are equal in nearly everything. This is a mega guilt trip for him and may sound slightly angsty, but it's only so that it doesn't end up too one sided. It will get better, I promise. I can't even read the next chapter without giggling. I do begin to wonder if I'm mentally stable.

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863 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter nine- Her precious youth**

Though there were no windows, it was easy to tell that it was getting late. Kakashi looked over at Sakura from his seat in the corner of the room, curious as to what she was thinking. He had been told by Tsunade that the women were supposed to be practicing their interrogation skills, but he didn't see anything of the sort from Sakura.

She didn't seem even slightly uncomfortable being trapped in a room with him, not like the Sakura he knew would have been. She seemed to be content, if she wasn't un-aware of the fact that they would inevitably have to share a bed. It didn't seem like she was even trying with her mission, and that would make his mission very difficult.

She had also, quite surprisingly, made no move since they first arrived here to prevent him from reading his Icha Icha, or even commented on it, managing to find other things to occupy her time. When she wasn't cooking meals for them in the somewhat infinitely full kitchen, she was writing in a small pink book with flowers around the outside of the page.

It amazed him how she managed to write endlessly for pages and pages and couldn't help but wonder how many books she must have like that one, pages full of her little, neat handwriting.

"Sakura-chan?" he ventured.

She put the pen down and sat up "Yes Kakashi?" He flinched again. _Whatever happened to sensei? Then again… whatever happened to Sakura?_

"What is it you're writing?"

"My diary" she smiled "Why? Does it look more interesting than reading that book of yours for the hundredth time?"

"Oh, I'm sure it is." He admitted, putting the little orange book down on the table. "How can you write so much?"

"I've been far too busy lately to write in it. When I have so much paper work to complete, this just doesn't seem that fun. Now I'm writing to catch up"

"Really? How long…?"

"Too long..." She sighed, then closed the book and put it into her bag "But work is work. I'm on holiday now"

"This is your holiday, missions?" he was completely shocked. He knew Tsunade worked her hard but…

"Ah ha. Why? What do you do on holidays?"

"Anything but. Usually sit around reading all day in bed." He frowned at her. _As Gai would say,_ _she's wasting her precious youth._ "Talking of which…" he signaled towards the bed.

"You want to go to bed?" she asked without a drop of unease in her voice "well, I guess it is late. Alright, I'll go and get dressed in the bathroom so you can change out here. Call me when you're done and we can switch, Ok?"

He couldn't help but to stare as she collected together some items from her bag and disappeared into the bathroom. He had to admit, she had him completely flustered. He had never been treated like that by anyone. People only ever went to change in separate rooms with him because he was viewed as a pervert, not so that he could change in peace.

_Was this her plan? To be so nice to me I am charmed into giving her the key? No. it can't be. She's not being nice she just, isn't being herself. But then again… I'm not exactly an expert on herself. The last time I actually took an active interest in her was at least two years ago, if that. This might well be who she is now._

_I don't know why it's bothering me so much. It's only natural that she's grown up a bit from the little girl I knew, and this new attitude… well it's not exactly repulsive. It's not nice, but it's intelligent, mature. She's given the chance to be very close to me and she isn't taking advantage at all. She's respecting my personal space and not trying to ask too many questions. I'm trapped here like her, with no jutsu abilities and she hasn't tried to take my mask off or steal my book or anything._

_Was she just trying to create a false sense of security? Would she start her interrogation techniques tomorrow? _Words said to him by Tsunade ran through his mind through his jumble of thoughts as he went to get dressed "_Just let it happen for a day or two. Resist but don't show any signs of making it stop"_

So that's what he'd do. He'd go along with any of Sakura's little plans until they got out of hand. Then, with Shikamaru's cue they'd put phase two into action. Tsunade had said that she wanted merely to observe the girl's abilities for the first two days. Then it was up to the guys to do whatever they wanted.

Once he had finished getting dressed, he called out to Sakura, who walked out in a conservative vest-top and pants set of pajamas that weren't too dissimilar from her chunin uniform. She let him into the bathroom with a sweet smile while letting him know that she was going to bed.

He locked the door behind him, thinking too hard to answer her and reached forward for the spot Tsunade had told him about.


	10. Rock hard

AN: breathe Izzi, breathe. Just makes me giggle this one. This, and what happens as a result of this, is really the main source of humor in the story. I love how he tries so hard to remain detached but fails so miserably. I can't decide whether they are perfect for each other or completely doomed. Anyway… don't go choking on anything. Whoops, in joke. Well you'll understand in about two chapter's time. I don't know how I came up with "it" so don't ask me. Disclaimers still apply.

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1318 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter ten- Rock hard**

As he lay with her hands wrapped around his waist, he couldn't help but be amused. She had fallen asleep against his chest in the bed hours ago, claiming that she "found his smell so relaxing" or some junk like that. He understood exactly what she was doing and it hadn't taken him long to figure it out, but as he was told he just let it happen.

Being the lazy guy he was, he wasn't going to protest to something that wasn't immediately life threatening so he just lay there.

Sure, her actions were disorientating him, but she was always an expert at that. Every time she went into another body with her mind body switch technique, he was left with her limp body in his arms and that unsettling feeling that he couldn't keep track of her. Having her live hands on his skin wasn't much different to when they were limp and he knew it meant nothing more than a mission objective to either of them, so he left it alone.

What bothered him more was her choice of conversation topic when she was awake. She had gone from yelling at him for anything and everything to suddenly loving everything he did in about two seconds. That was an appallingly bad tactical move as far as he was concerned, as it made the change in attitude very obvious and even more insincere.

She obviously intended to flirt with him in a very obvious way in order to get the information she needed, but other than giving him some much needed amusement in this Shogi and Go-less pit of inside torture, her actions did nothing for him. He just wasn't attracted to women that were that in-your-face. He much preferred the average ones. Not too strong, not too weak. Not too clever, not too dumb. Not too beautiful, not too ugly.

Unfortunately for Ino, she fell into none of those categories. She was strong, clever, and beautiful. She was also far too bossy and far too troublesome.

For this mission though, he'd let her have her fun… just so long as it doesn't go too far.

She began to stir beneath him and he took the opportunity to move her move slightly on the bed so he could get out from under her. Instead of her rolling over though when he pushed her over, she gripped onto him tighter with a mock-sleepy moan. He gasped with the restriction he felt on his inner organs.

"You're awake"

She didn't reply, but reached down to place a hand on his now-exposed backside. _That's too far, already! Screw Tsunade, troublesome woman. I'm not going to just let this happen. _

He politely removed it and tried to pry her off. "Stop it"

"Gomen Shika-kun. You're just so rock-hard sexy" she mumbled out, still pretending to be half-asleep.

"I… I need to go to the bathroom Ino. You'd better, um… get up and eat something from the kitchen, ok?" he stood from the bed.

"Hmm… I'd much rather eat something from you, Shika-kun"

_It's just an act Shikamaru. She doesn't really mean it. It doesn't matter how smooth and gorgeous her voice is. It's just an act._ Nevertheless, a blush rose to his cheeks as he walked out into the bathroom.

He paced up and down the room a few times, trying to get the image and sound of Ino out of his head. She always looks like that when she wakes up_. She always has. It's the best part about her. It's when she's most confused, most vulnerable. It's when she's still relaxed and her voice has that lovely velvet tone to it. I love Ino in the morning. To have that every morning… well that would be the only thing less troublesome about marrying her._

_No. Stop that trail of thought, right now! Troublesome woman! I can't let her win._

He looked over to the far wall of the bathroom and noticed a small flash of orange from the corner of his eye. Locking the bathroom door, he looked down to see the edge of one of Kakashi's Icha Icha books poking out of the wall at floor level.

Pressing on that section of wall, he found the Gen-jutsu collapse enough to let him into the secret adjoining room that was set up for tactics meetings between the two guys. This was a part of the agreement between them and Tsunade, so that they wouldn't feel like they were being as isolated as the girls, especially seen as they were receiving no training or useful experience as a result of this little "mission".

He bent down and picked up Kakashi's book before walking further in to greet the older jonin.

The room was really small but had two comfy looking armchairs set out in the middle of it. Kakashi looked up at him from his thoughtful position in one of the chairs. "Yo"

"Hey" Shikamaru slumped down opposite him. "How are things with Sakura?"

"Hmff" was all he could come up with

"Troublesome?" he suggested

"Hai"

"Well, same here."

"What's the problem?"

"Ino."

"Well obviously" He rolled an eye

"Can I ask you something Kakashi, as an older and, presumably more experienced male?" his speech began to grow slower and more hesitant.

"I guess"

"How the hell do you respond to lewd comments in bed voice?"

Kakashi's visible eye widened in interest "What kind of lewd comments?"

Shikamaru cringed, hoping he wouldn't ask that question. "Promise you won't laugh?"

"If I do it'll be at Ino, not at you. I promise"

"Shika-kun. You're just so rock-hard sexy" he repeated quietly

Kakashi did laugh. He really couldn't help it.

"Are you gonna help me or not?" Shikamaru frowned at him

"Gomen. That one's out of my experience. I've never been called anything like that"

"Seriously? You?"

"Yeah, me. Why would anyone call me that?"

"Gomen Kakashi. I honestly thought that you would have been."

"So Ino is being a bit forward about it then?"

"That's an understatement. There's groping and food innuendoes and… dear Kami, she is Sasuke-ising me. I just don't know how I am going to last much longer."

"Groping? Really? I'm fairly sure she never…Gomen, um… you only have to last another day really, remember. You really think that you won't be able to hold out?"

"Not at the moment, no. Half of me wants to tell her now just so she'll stop torturing me."

"Torturing?"

"Yeah." He took a quick gulp "I really think I…no. I'll figure something out. I doubt that Sakura's being this difficult."

Kakashi went oddly quiet for a second before replying. "No. Quite the opposite."

"Can we swap for a while then because…" he looked at the exposed part of Kakashi's face and drew enough to let him know to shut up "Gomen. Carry on"

"She's being so, mature and calm and sensitive and… not Sakura."

"That _is_ Sakura Kakashi-san" Shikamaru pointed out with a frown. _He really does pay no attention to the girl at all._

"Hmm… I feared as much. I'm afraid that I've been neglecting her for my other students. I never realized just how much she had grown."

"So she's not being forceful, or flirting, or saying inappropriate things or anything like that?"

"No. Nothing. She just cooked the most amazing meals and kept quiet and left me alone to my book."

"You did check the food for poison, didn't you?"

"What do you think I am? Three?"

"Gomen. Maybe she's just nervous about trying anything."

"No. She doesn't seem worked up by anything at all. She just seems… content"

"So this is what happens when you lock Ino and Sakura in separate rooms and take away the doors. I've always wondered…"

"Yup. One turns into a sex-driven animal and the other turns into a perfect housewife."

"Let's hope they switch roles tomorrow" Shikamaru gave him a crooked smile

Kakashi gave him a happy eye in return.


	11. Bets anyone?

AN: Tsunade's turn. This is where little details and events and things start to make sense (except Ino's hair but that comes much later). She is such a deviant, really living up to the gambling attitude. She explains it all herself. I am no longer needed. Disclaimers still apply.

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1146 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter eleven- Bets anyone?**

"Such a disappointment." Tsunade shook her head in disbelief as she watched the two monitors in front of her. She had expected more from the kunoichi by now, but was getting nothing for her efforts. Admittedly, it had only been five minutes, but neither pair had managed to turn on a light yet, and listening to Ino shouting at Shikamaru was no fun at all (she listens to herself doing it often enough). It seemed that neither girl had decided to put their plans into action until they could see what they were doing rather than taking advantage of the darkness.

Shizune walked into the room and coughed loudly to get Tsunade's attention.

"What is it Shizune?" she asked, without turning from the screens.

"Are you going to be back in your office at all today Tsunade-sama?"

"No. It's my birthday so I'm giving myself the day off"

"You can't…"

"If you are about to tell me that I can't take the day off, I'd like to remind you that I'm the bloody Hokage now. I can do whatever the hell I want to do."

"My only point is that you have also given Sakura the day off. There is practically no skilled medic staff on hand at the hospital."

"They have you. Stop wasting my time. Unless there is anything else…"

"Oh yeah. Your _guests_ are here"

"Then why are you asking me stupid questions? Get them down here now! And be quick about it."

It didn't take too long before they all turned up, but by the time they did, Sakura had managed to find the light switch on and the view of the apartment her and Kakashi was in was much improved.

"What is it this time Hokage?" Anko demanded of her as the group entered the room.

"Why are we in a Gen-jutsu area?" Kurenai wondered

"Why are we all here?" a number of the others chorused.

"Hold on!" Tsunade demanded while she set the tape going on the monitors to make sure she didn't miss anything while she explained. "Sit down everyone and let me explain"

They all did as she asked and she looked around and checked that everyone was here. Three parties for each room, check.

"Alright, so thanks for coming. Believe me when I say you will not regret it." She smiled at them all "I've brought you all here basically because the people I have on these screens behind me asked specifically for me _not_ to tell you what it is they are doing. They also told me not to watch either so I've taken the initiative to film them without their knowing, for our enjoyment and for possible future blackmail possibilities."

"Who is it then?" Anko interrupted her.

"Anko, Genma, Kurenai, you'd be interested to see your close friend Hatake Kakashi in a _very_ compromising situation with a former student. He was very adamant that I would die a horrible death if any of you even knew where he was today. Shikaku, Inoichi, Choza, you'd be interested in seeing the exact same situation recreated between two of your children. Ino had some strange impression that if you found out what she was going to have to do to the Nara boy, you would get a little carried away. Now if any of you feel like making any bets right away, feel free."

"What exactly do you mean when you say "compromising situation"?" Inoichi asked intrigued but weary for his daughter.

"You'll see… I hope. I'll explain it as we go along. If we're ready, Ino and Shikamaru are in the middle of a heated argument about your parenting so I think we'll just leave them to cool off while we watch how Hatake gets on" She sat back down and pressed play on both screens, enabling the volume only on the screen showing Kakashi and Sakura. During the silence as they sat on opposite sides of the room, more questions were asked.

"Why is the other screen blank?" Shikaku started.

"Ah! That's because your genius children haven't figured out how to turn the light switch on yet"

Kurenai sniggered for a second "my four-year old can manage that much"

"You're four year old was taught by _my_ son Yuhi, you'll give him the respect he deserves" Shikaku glared at her

"Steady on there" Tsunade stressed "I don't want another war starting on my birthday"

"Well there would have to be some reason why would you risk angering the _legendary copy Nin_ like this" Genma sighed with a sarcastic tone

"Don't mock me Genma"

"**_Gen-jutsu"_** they heard Sakura exclaim over the sound system

"What?" Tsunade chorused at the same time as Kakashi did.

Then they all sat, listening in amazement as Sakura pretty much dissected the illusions put in place and more or less explained what they were doing there aswell (except the main vitals). Those that weren't amused (or proud, in Tsunade's case) by Sakura's revelation, were too busy laughing at the hopeless look on Kakashi's face. He had been outsmarted by a former student, one which he had happily handed over to the Hokage on the assumption that she was the weakest on his team.

If not anything else, this little scene made it fairly clear that without his Sharingan, Hatake Kakashi was nothing. That or Sakura is a lot more intelligent than anyone gives her credit for.

"Tsunade-sama!" Choza pointed to the other screen and Tsunade switched over the sound just in time as the lights when on for Shikamaru and Ino. They watched as Shikamaru leant against the wall in a relaxed pose.

"Cocky bugger" Genma grumbled

"_**How long have you known that was there?"** _Ino said once she'd glanced around the room, looking disgusted.

"_**Pretty much right away"** _Shika replied calmly.

"That's my boy." Shikaku exclaimed.

"**_And you didn't say anything?! Why didn't you do that earlier?"_** Ino yelled

"That's my girl." Inoichi mirrored the Nara.

"_**You didn't ask"**_

"Oh that cheeky… go on Baby, give him hell" he continued.

"**_Oh Kami Shika…"_** She started, and then seemed to pause, like she was considering something. Her expression suddenly changed to something that made Inoichi shut up immediately.

Tsunade grinned back at them all. "This is the real, _situation _I was describing earlier"

Ino continued **_"Shika-_kun_. Let's not argue. I'm sorry I yelled"_**

Everyone in the room except Inoichi let out a quick giggle at her attitude and the effect it had on her father.

"**_Fine"_** Shikamaru walked over to the bed in sight and lay down.

Shikaku froze in fear "Stupid, Stupid boy! You never lie down when they use that voice! It's suicide!"

Surely enough, Ino sauntered over to lie next to him suggestively. She leant beside him and started to stroke his chest. **_"Shika-kun…"_**

No one heard anything else as Shikaku turned to face Inoichi, who had glanced away to avoid seeing his daughter that way with a man. "Inoichi Yamanaka! I will never forgive you for having a daughter! Never! My boy will be scared for life after this! Nara's do not go well with women!"

"Whose fault is that exactly?" Inoichi spat back "If your son so much as lays a finger on my daughter before she is happily married, and only then if it ends up being him, I will castrate him so fast there won't be any more Nara's."

"What? Are you trying to preserve her virginity? Because she lost that…"

"Guys." Tsunade interrupted, fast forwarding through the tape "Its fine, look. They just keep talking till she falls asleep. No harm done"

"Talking about what?" Choza questioned

"Hold on, I'll just stop it somewhere."

"**_How are you ever going to get that life you always talked about… the wife and kids?"_**

"**_I always have you" _**He smiled at her, but this time, the parents didn't interrupt.

"**_But do you actually want me?"_**

"_**Does that matter?"**_

"_**Please tell me Shika-kun." **_

"_**I don't want to offend you" **_

"**_No then."_** She didn't sound upset.

Then there was silence from the sound system. "Are we being selfish?" Inoichi questioned.

"I think we are" Shikaku sighed. They both looked over at Choza. He nodded in reply.

"When they get out of there, I think it's safe to say their engagement is off" Inoichi stated.

"Whoa." Tsunade stopped them "Don't get too carried away. They've got days yet. And they don't get out until one or the other is seduced into submission. That's the rules."

Shikaku's eyes shot wide "S-s-seduced?"

Tsunade gave them all a huge, proud grin. "Ino's got a day and a half before Shikamaru has been ordered to return fire. Same applies for Sakura and Kakashi. Bets anyone?"


	12. Daddy's princess

AN: this makes me laugh almost as much as the original scene. I don't know half of these characters so well because I never actually watch Naruto. I'm basing the Ino-Shika-Cho group on a mix between tiny bits I've leant from other fan fics and the personalities of their children. Anko and Genma I'm getting from other fics entirely. Kurenai I'm guessing completely. Again, feel free to correct me if they are completely out of character. Disclaimers still apply.

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1440 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter twelve- Daddy's princess**

They put on shifts. One person was stationed at each monitor, switching every half an hour, while the others walked around getting fresh air and food. Due to the time delay, Tsunade had made sure that there was plenty enough stocked food down there to feed them all for weeks, even with an Akimichi in residence, as well as sleeping areas for them all. If anyone one ever complained, she would simply point out that they were welcome to leave at any time, but they might miss the fireworks.

So far, there had been nothing more interesting since that morning except some of Kakashi's reactions to Sakura's cooking. Whatever Sakura was doing, it was wearing at the jonin, to the point that he regularly looked up from his Icha-Icha in order to keep an eye on her. Or maybe he just wants to watch her. It's hard to tell from a not too clear image of only one eye.

It was getting late now and if Shikamaru and Ino hadn't been in bed pretty much all day, they would certainly be expected to be going there now, as would Kakashi and Sakura.

Tsunade sighed and went over to the security room ready to take over for the next shift. So much for entertainment on her birthday. _Oh well…there's a week, if not longer before my birthday's over. I'm sure they'll come up with something before then._ She was stopped I her tracks though as Genma ran out of the security room, struggling to breathe.

"Tsu… nade…get…evr…"

"What the hell is wrong with you Genma?" She asked him, slightly concerned

"My… sen"

"He swallowed his senbon" Choza came up from behind him, a grin on his face.

"Again?" Tsunade frowned.

"Never mind him Tsunade-sama. We've got to get everyone here now. You'll die of laughter"

"Something happened?" Anko stepped out from behind them, Kurenai in tow.

"Yamanaka-san…" Genma began to breathe again "strikes again… bloody funny"

"And it got worse when you left Genma." Choza informed him "you know, I'm not sure if it'll be safe to bring Shikaku and Inoichi in here actually."

"What has he done now?" Inoichi fumed as he walked towards the group.

Shikaku strolled not far behind "Just go in Inoichi. We can't do anything to neuter our children till they get out, so we may aswell have a laugh while we're at it. It's no worse than the interrogation we gave Ino the other day"

With that they sat down in front of the screens and Choza asked them "which one do you want to see first?"

"You mean… Hatake actually did something interesting?" Anko gasped in surprise "Or did little Sakura turn dirty?"

"It was interesting for sure, but I wouldn't say it compared to the others" he informed her.

"Well then use Hatake as calm down afterwards then." Tsunade suggested, urging him to just go on "Just play the tape Akimichi"

"Right then" he sat down and pressed play.

The image showed Shikamaru, having woken up, staring down at a peacefully asleep Ino. It was obvious she hadn't gotten much sleep last night but it soon became obvious that she wasn't that asleep when he tried to move her off him. She wrapped her arms around him tighter when he tried to turn her over, causing him to gasp.

His back was facing the camera as he leant on his side, blocking the view of her right hand, so it was unclear where the gasp had come from, and naturally the adults in the security room jumped to the worst conclusions.

"Kinky bitch" Anko giggled, but was silenced by a death glare from Inoichi.

"**_You're awake"_** Shikamaru remarked, a little too calmly.

They all watched as the hand that Ino had around his back slid down and grabbed him in the ass. Amazingly, his calm remained as he took the smaller hand from his own body and tried again to push her off. Sitting around to face the camera he tried to ignore her. **_"Stop it"_**

The camera caught a view of Ino, hair loose around her face and her eyes loosely closed as she ran a hand seductively across the sheets, reaching for him. Everyone shot sheepish glances towards Inoichi, weary of his reaction but he remained still. Nevertheless, Shikaku thanked his sense in letting Choza sit between them.

Then she spoke, her mumbled voice sounding more like a purr to the perverted adult minds of those in the room **_"Gomen Shika-kun. You're just so rock-hard sexy"_**

Shikamaru simply gulped and stood up from the bed, head low. **_"I…I need to go to the bathroom Ino. You'd better, um… get up and eat something from the kitchen, ok?"_**

The parents breathed. At least he wasn't stupid enough to fall for her tricks. "Good boy" All three said in unison, ignoring the barely controlled giggles from the others at Ino's comment.

She licked her lips sensually **_"Hmm… I'd much rather eat something from you, Shika-kun"_**

They all watched on, on the edge of their seats as Shikamaru looked like he was going to look back at her but then he suddenly thought better of it and walked straight out of the room, bright red from embarrassment.

Then Ino sat up and smirked to herself, knowing that it was working as she straightened her skirt and walked over to the kitchen, as if nothing had happened.

"That's it!" Inoichi stood up, fists clenched "I'm going to go and get her right now! No child of mine is going to act like that around some guy. It's ridiculous"

Tsunade cracked. Sake spilt everywhere as she burst out in laughter. "Gomen Inoichi but… what exactly are you going to tell her…?"

Genma joined in the fun with his own suggestions "Hey Princess, Daddy saw what you did half an hour ago on a video link. Now, he wasn't prying in your top secret mission but you can't act like that, it's naughty. Now you better get back up in your tower."

Inoichi glared at Genma like he was going to skin him alive. Genma leaned over and whispered to Tsunade "Too far?"

She nodded, "Too far"

"Running?" he suggested

Then to his surprise, Inoichi simply reached out and smacked him lightly on the shoulder, before letting out a brief laugh. "Forget it. It's like Shikaku said. We can't neuter them yet so we'll just use this for extensive blackmail when they get out. As for you lot…one more comment that comes across as anything near controversial in regards to my daughter, and I will gut you properly. Understood?"

They all nodded, Genma more vigorously than the others. Choza went to press play on the other monitor. "You really have to pay attention on this one. They are really subtle"

The image came up not unlike those they had been seeing from the Kakashi-Sakura apartment all day, but it had been stopped with perfect timing, as Sakura asked a very important question.

"**_Does it look more interesting than reading that book of yours for the hundredth time?"_** She smiled at him with the sweetest smile, barely flirtatious at all but certainly inviting.

Anyone would expect him to tell her to stop being so cheeky, but then he did the most amazing thing. He actually put the book down! **_"Oh, I'm sure it is." _**And he sounded sincere! There was no part of his skin at all visible to the camera from its sideways angle, but his stance gave the impression that he was giving her a similar smile. This was too good to be true.

Choza stopped right there, explaining that it gets kind of boring after there, unless they wanted to see Kakashi get undressed. Sakura, being the gentlewoman that she is, let him change in the main room, exposed to the camera. Anko quickly amended Choza's assumption that no one wanted to see, but she seemed to be the only one so she was told to wait until her watch, then she'd have 100 video access.

Still, the very fact that Sakura had got him to put his Icha Icha down, out of choice, in favor of talking to her, showed that she was having a bigger impression on him than they had first thought. It just didn't quite make good TV yet in comparison to what was going on next door. Tsunade smiled. _Yet…_

"I bet he's getting actual feelings for her" she blurted out.

"What?" Anko asked her.

"You heard me. He's on orders not to retaliate in any feelings until tomorrow night. That right then, counts as retaliation from where I stand. Have you ever known Hatake to so blatantly disobey orders? I haven't. So it must mean he actually, genuinely likes her enough to put that book down for her, without her asking."

"No. I won't believe it. He's always frigid in missions, trust me on that. He would never openly show emotion like that unless it was feigned, or he was ordered to. You're on Tsunade!"

"I saw no proof he put it down for _her_." Genma jumped in. "My bet says he finally took my advice in putting that stuff down because it is crap. That's why he agreed that it, whatever it was, was more interesting than the book, because the way that Jiraiya writes, anything would be more interesting. I prefer my woman non-fictional" here he gave a wink to Anko, but she was already staring back at Kakashi on the screen.

"Is anyone else in?" Tsunade offered with a grin.

**AN:** Don't eat me. I promise I'll go back to the couple's soon. I know it all seems a little repetitive, recycling the same scenes, but I always love reading and experimenting with different POV's of the same scenes. You see things that you don't see when you look at it from another perspective (like that thing with Ino- I bet you're wondering why she did it if he wasn't watching.). Plus I just love the original Ino-Shika-Cho trio's reactions to their children's actions, despite the fact that you can't help but feel sorry for Chouji, being stuck in hospital so he can't join the fun. And before you start, there will be some less-subtle Kaka-Saku later on (I think I might have him self-whip himself- not literally but you get the point. I like the idea of her being stronger than him, even without her chakra abilities, but I still think she's too polite and Kawaii to be a proper little dominatrix. She's smart though, so I'll just stick with the mind games. I also like the idea of trying to figure out why he reads the books rather than why he wears the mask, which I think is something that an older Sakura would be more interested in, considering her complete failure at choosing guys for their appearance), but I'm just so into Shika-Ino ATM it's irresistible. Their relationship is so different to that of Kakashi and Sakura's, as it is as far from forbidden as possible, and almost completely lust-based. I have some ideas for where it's going but if you have any opinions, go ahead.


	13. Dignity

AN: mostly talking here. I forgot what I was going to write, but I had to include that Sakura thing. It explains why she is acting like she is. Hmm… I wonder what happened to that Icha Icha… evil smirk Next chapter is the couples again. Disclaimer still applies.

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925 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter thirteen- Dignity**

Anko leant back in the chair with a frustrated look on her face once she had finished watching the recording. "Pathetic man"

"Really?" Tsunade smirked from beside her "I wouldn't say he was pathetic. I've forced him into more than one physical exam and I couldn't find any… deficiencies"

"You're a lucky woman Tsunade-sama"

"Did you not like what you saw in Sakura's little present to us?"

"There was nothing to see!" she sulked "Who knew that that thing he does with taking of his mask is an ability he can spread to the rest of his body?"

"Hmm… it's a wonderful gift." She didn't seem surprised "I mean, think about it, you could flash a political figure in front of their face and they wouldn't even realize it"

"Or a not so political figure." Anko reminded her.

"I wonder if he ever has. I'm sure it's crossed his mind" she reached up to rotate the screens around so that Anko once again had a live image of the Kakashi-Sakura apartment.

"Hey! Where's Kakashi?"

Tsunade looked over to find that, sure enough, he was nowhere to be seen. She shrugged. "Probably in the other room"

"There's another room?" she leant forward in anticipation.

"Hai. Other than the bathroom, there is a meeting room for the guys. It was the only way I could get them to agree to this"

"Hold on. They did this willingly"

"Hai. They all did. Did you think I trapped them without consent?

"And they knew that the kunoichi were to try and seduce them?"

"Hai. You see, Shikamaru is heading off in the same direction. That's the second time they've done that now. Obviously they're finding it more difficult to cope than we thought. Looks like I'll win that bet" Tsunade shot the younger woman a smug smile.

"No way. They're probably just after some company that isn't female."

"I wouldn't count on it. They aren't exactly the most social shinobi in Konoha."

"Well can we see them?"

"No. That I can't do, just like with the bathrooms."

"Damn it."

"You wouldn't want to. All they do is talk tactics. Then we wouldn't get the element of surprise."

She turned back to the monitor. "I can't wait for the next development. It's so boring watching them sleep."

Anko watched as Sakura began to stir, looking over at the spot on the bed that Kakashi had recently vacated. She expressed no emotion as she stood up from the bed and began to set the sheets right, then paused, thinking of something.

She wandered over to the kitchen area and looked into the glass on one of the cupboards, using it to observe her reflection as she tried to tie her hair up properly. She then headed to the bathroom door and leant her head against it, listening for sounds of Kakashi's presence. For some reason she smirked as she turned around. Anko started to wonder if she was going to make her move, catch him off guard when he comes out, or go to set up some trap while he was out of sight.

Then Sakura looked up. It was only for an instant, but she did look up, straight at the camera. Anko sat back in surprise and went to rewind it just to ensure herself it wasn't in her head. It wasn't. She really did look up at the camera, with a knowing smile that teased anyone who was looking.

"Um… Tsunade-sama?" She asked hesitantly

"Yes Anko?"

"Do any of them know about the cameras?"

"No. I'm not that stupid."

"So how the hell does Haruno know where to look to find us?"

"What?!" Tsunade grabbed the controls from the kunoichi and rewinded the tape again. When she saw it she swore out loud. "She knows me too well. She's figured it out"

"That girl is too clever." Anko agreed "well at least that explains why she's being a bit more dignified than Yamanaka"

"Even Shikamaru hasn't figured that out, and he's a genius. This will be no fun now."

"I don't know about that. She may even play it for our amusement. Especially once it's Kakashi's turn to flirt. I doubt she's as fussed about respecting _his_ dignity." She grinned mischievously. "After all, she is _your_ apprentice"

"Let's hope. Though we'll have to tell the other's to keep an eye on her. If she tells Kakashi…"

They both turned to watch the screens again as the guys returned to the rooms. Kakashi sat down, watching Sakura as she began to make the bed, not in the hap-hazard way she was before, but in a way that perfectly imitated a hard-working housewife. Anko noted that the Icha Icha had somehow disappeared from the apartment completely as Kakashi drank in the sight of housework Sakura. _What is she trying to do? Get him to marry her? _she scoffed.

She then looked back over at Tsunade's screen as Shikamaru shoved something nervously into his bag at the end of the bed, just in time for Ino to begin moving. He glared at her with a frown and slumped down on one of the chairs, trying not to look. He put his fingers together in his thinking pose and closed his eyes as he tried to come up with his next action. A few seconds later, once Ino rolled over to face him, he stood and went over to the kitchen.

"Tsunade-sama?" Anko called again

"Yes Anko?"

"Can we swap?"

"Why?"

"Sakura is so polite. She makes me feel like a whore"


	14. Breakfast part one

AN: ok. back to the couples as promised. i've split this up because it was a massive chapter, but it really is one long section for both of these chapters. be warned that there is some serious lime work in here. it's also pretty emo, but atleast Ino is _trying_ to think. i think it's obvious how this is going to end up- or is it... Disclaimer still applies.

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1707 words in this chapter 

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter fourteen- Breakfast part one**

Ino watched from the corner of her half closed eye as Shikamaru moved from his position to head towards the kitchen area. Once he was facing away from her, she opened her eyes completely and pulled her nightshirt further up at her leg. _This is too easy. _She had gone straight to sleep when he left the room last night after she had eaten, not wanting to freak him out too much. He was in the bathroom for a long time and it didn't sound like he was showering so he must have been avoiding her.

He wasn't as uncomfortable as he made out. She was sure that he almost turned when she called to him that last time. She knew that he was taking the bait, if not in his immediate actions, then at least on a psychological level. _Once he gets out of that "this is weird" phase, he'll be putty in my hands._ She thought it was weird as well, but this was a mission, nothing more, so she brushed passed it. Sure, she'd be lying if she said that she hadn't entertained the thought of going further with Shikamaru, after all he wasn't exactly the lanky boy he used to be and her father was less likely to disapprove like he had with all of her past partners, but team mate relations were too important to her to ruin it all. It would be unfair on Chouji.

He seemed to be more composed now, having had all night to cool off. She would have to be consistent to get past his mission face. _Or maybe not… if I let him think I've stopped flirting for a while, maybe he'll think he's safe enough to drop his guard. Not for too long though. Tsunade said she was timing it. Right then. One minute of friendly Ino, long enough for him to stop flinching when I speak. Then it's all hands on deck. If I get worse every time then he might figure out that to tell me what I need to know sooner rather than later would be the only way to stop it._

She pulled the nightshirt back down again to cover her modesty and sat up. "Good morning Shikamaru" she said cheerily, like she usually did when they had missions or when their parents made them stay over at each other's houses. She looked over as he took out some supplies from the cupboards. "Are you cooking breakfast?"

He grunted nervously, as though he was expecting her to say something inappropriate.

"Great. Thanks Shika. I'll be out in a minute." She watched as he looked at her using the reflections on the glass cupboard door and froze in shock. She had dropped the suffix so that he wouldn't feel awkward and spoke as if nothing had happened. She stood out of the bed and set off towards the bathroom, grabbing some things from her bag before going to get dressed.

When she came out, dressed in her usual skimpy outfit, Shikamaru had a pan out on the stove, obviously opting for a more time consuming activity, rather than a quick breakfast. He was probably trying to keep himself distracted, which was much harder for him without his board games or a view of the sky. After much thought, Ino had decide that wearing a less exposing outfit to put him into a state of relaxation would have been a waste of time, as he was used to what she was wearing now. That and it would be much more useful later on.

She put her nightclothes away and sat on the end of the bed, watching him as she decided how to continue.

It was the first time ever she had less ideas on how to be herself then she had to be someone else. Instinct automatically told her to reach for him and run a hand down his back towards his… _bad thoughts Ino. Really bad thoughts. What the hell is wrong with me? What would I usually do if I saw him doing this?_ She drew up a blank. _He doesn't ever do this. He is a lazy arse. Think on critical mode. I spent yesterday complementing him, now I've got to reverse it. _

She looked him over, looking for some kind of flaw that she could nag him on. Once again though, she couldn't find anything. It completely threw her off. Even his stupid spiky ponytail failed to annoy her like it usually did. Eventually, she decided to pick some random detail and make up a fault.

"You really should change your style you know" She told him in her old, girly voice. "You have worn the exact same thing since you were a chunin."

"Hm" was all he replied with.

"And it looks stupid" she emphasized the "u" sound with a giggle to make it seem childish.

He didn't reply, but looked up at the glass to check her expression. She smiled at him, but not in a sensual way, before turning her head as she fiddled with her hair.

"Do you think my hair is stupid Shikamaru?" she continued on her girly rampage, ignoring him like she usually did "I think it should have been left to dry properly yesterday. It's gone all frizzy." She threw her hands up in exasperation "I have frizzy hair! I have awful, frizzy, hopeless hair and it's all _your_ fault!"

He continued to move the pan around on the stove, not acknowledging her.

"Are you even listening to me Shikamaru?"

"Your hair isn't frizzy Ino" he mumbled, acting himself again finally.

She scowled at him "but it is awful and hopeless?"

He sighed quietly "Troublesome"

She pretended that she didn't hear him. "It doesn't matter anyway. I'm trapped in here and you're not a girl so you won't know the difference." She lightened her expression and walked over to the kitchen area.

She stood behind him for a while, smelling his cooking as she watched him work. _Wow! It actually smells good. I can't wait to taste it properly._ (AN: The food. Not Shika you pervert)

She put a hand on his shoulder and leaned over him to look closer. _Contact with friendly Ino means he might be more comfortable with contact with sexy Ino. _"What are you cooking Shika?"

"Breakfast" he grunted sarcastically, but wary in case her hand moved anywhere else.

"Smells good" she commented, accidentally putting more pleasure in her voice then she intended. _I guess he looks comfy enough. He's had more than one minute of friendly Ino. Now it's sexy Ino's turn._ "You should cook more often Shika-kun."

"It's too troublesome" he returned, acting himself still. He had obviously missed the return of the suffix.

"I would have thought you were too lazy to do chores like this"

He shrugged "cooking is a hobby. I don't mind doing this, but you have to make the bed"

"Oh, I'm not finished with it yet." She smiled and ran her hand from her shoulder to reach down across his chest. He stiffened beneath her touch. She moved around to stand in between him and the counter.

He attempted to step back, but she grabbed hold of his hip with her free hand, blocking his retreat. He glared at her with a sulky expression as he realized the change that had occurred. He gave up trying to resist and let her tug him closer as she continued to feel his chest with slender fingers. He steadied himself with a hand either side of her hips, on the counter behind her.

"It's hot in here" she told him, moving her hand to the buttons on his shirt.

"You are stood right next to the stove." He replied, averting his eyes.

"No Shika-kun, I'm perfectly fine. I like it hot" she purred "I'm just worried about you. All stuffed up in that nasty stupid shirt." She imitated the elongated vowel sound in her earlier comment, but twisted it to make it sound sensual as she began to undo his shirt.

"Stop it Ino" he told her calmly, "The breakfast will burn"

She stopped like he said but only to reach behind her and turned the heat off with a devious smirk. "No it won't"

"Aren't you hungry?" he asked her, his face a picture of confusion. She really did regret that she wouldn't get to taste that amazing-smelling food and obviously, he was just as shocked that she would turn it down.

Her smile fell. Her blue eyes looked up into his dark ones with a serious, smoldering gaze, showing that she really meant it. "Oh, I'm hungry." To her surprise, she felt her heart leapt as she gripped the front of his shirt and pulled him closer. She didn't give him enough time to react before she caught his lips with her own.

She pushed him across the kitchen with staggered steps as she passionately trapped him in her grip. They landed against the bed in seconds and she climbed on top of him, continuing to play with his lips.

His eyes filled with panic as he tried to push her off, only to have his hand pinned to the bed as she moved her kisses to a more tender pace. _He is helpless. There's no way he can resist this. There's no way I can let him resist this. I can't help it now._ She suddenly felt him relax beneath her.

"Ino…" he called out between kisses, trying not to get her to stop but hoping for her attention.

Her eyes flicked up to his, understanding the genuine tone in his voice. It melted her completely. He seemed hurt. It was like he had something he wanted to tell her, but he couldn't get it out. She let go of him and collapsed against his chest, arms still around him but keeping her lips properly away. "I will have you" she whispered, talking in a bizarre cross between sexy Ino and friendly Ino. She looked up at him, expecting him to look freaked out and jumpy.

Instead, she found him gazing at her with an expression that seemed to say _I know._ He looked resigned. "Can I finish cooking now?"


	15. Breakfast part two

AN: anti-climax I know, but I have to save the best stuff for later. I won't say much because I'm sure you are dying to find out what happens next and you probably won't even bother reading my author notes. Disclaimers still apply.

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961 words in this chapter.

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter fifteen- Breakfast part two**

She found herself letting go and rolling off, watching as he got up and turned the stove back on. She leaned up on one arm and unconsciously her finger went up to her lips, tracing where his touch had been. _It was so soft. It's almost a shame that was our first kiss…. that I had to force him. Was that what upset him? He wasn't resisting too much, maybe he just wanted it to mean more… could it be? Could Shikamaru really like me that way?_ She looked up at him to find him looking back at her.

His expression was clouded, almost apologetic, and then embarrassed to be caught staring. He quickly returned to his cooking, shoulders slumped more than usual. He wasn't upset, he was ashamed. _What can I do next? I have to put him at ease. I don't know why but this is obviously something that puts shame on him somehow. I don't understand it. I'm the one that's being shameful. He hasn't done anything wrong. It's only a mission. It's not like anyone's watching._

He finished cooking the food and served it up on two plates. He then sat down at the table and bowed his head, speaking in a low voice. "Help yourself"

The temptation for Ino to comfort him was unbearable, but she had to stay in character. _No turning back now._ She went over and sat down next to him, choosing not to fetch her own plate but to focus on his. She ran a hand along his thigh lightly under the table. "I will"

He went to pick up his chopsticks so that he could eat the food, knocking her hand off with his other hand. She stopped him by grabbing the hand before it reached the wooden objects and entwining his fingers with her own. "Let me" she offered in her sensual voice, picking up the chopsticks in her other hand and using them to receive some of the food before holding them up to Shikamaru's mouth.

"Ino." He moaned "You are not going to feed me"

"But you know it smells good. You like it really" she pouted and it worked exactly the way she wanted.

He opened his mouth to allow entrance and she slipped the food inside, leaving the chopsticks to lean slightly on his lips before withdrawing them. She hoped that this would remind him of the kiss and that the more he allowed her to kiss him with the chopsticks, the more comfortable he would feel when she kissed him for real.

He looked up into her eyes again and she realized that she had paused, preventing him from eating any more. Once again she fed him with the chopsticks, this time with them both turned in their seats to face each other. She stared at him, observing every little flash of longing he showed when the chopsticks left his lips.

When the plate was empty, he looked down at the abandoned chopsticks with an even longer period of longing.

"That's it." Ino noted. "It wasn't that bad was it?"

He looked up at her with a soft expression. "No… it wasn't"

_He's talking about something else. Go on Ino. That's practically an open invitation._ She leant forward and kissed him again, with the same pressure as she had put on him with the chopsticks, then sat back and gazed at him dreamily. _Yes! The longing look was still there._

She gripped his hand tighter and stared into his eyes again. "Rock-hard sexy and a god of a kisser" she commented with a sigh. _What's one little lie in a mix of one big act? He's yet to return any kisses._

Suddenly he got up, throwing off her hand as he headed towards the bed. _Is he? No. It can't be… is he giving in? Should I follow him? No. Give him a sultry stare, that'll work. Oh dear Kami, I'm gonna have sex with…_

She didn't get passed that thought though, as Shikamaru simply walked to the wall behind the bed and knocked on it hastily and loudly. He then stormed out into the bathroom and locked the door without another look at her.

She sat there staring with her mouth open. _What the hell Shikamaru?_

* * *

"What the hell Shikamaru?!" Genma complained as they all watched in horror.

"Don't take this the wrong way Inoichi, but your daughter is a bit of a minx" Anko grinned.

"Hai." Genma agreed "and hot too! Though _I _could have told you that."

"That's not my daughter." He told them quietly, and then smirked "That's her mother."

"How can he just put her down like that? She was ready to jump his bones right then" Genma shook his head, looking disappointed.

"She even lied to him" Kurenai sighed.

"Huh?" The men all turned to her, confused.

"_Rock-hard sexy and a God of a kisser_? Come on."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shikaku glared at her.

"Well I can't exactly account for the sexy thing, she may have strange taste in men, but face it Shikaku your son is shit at kissing."

"Hmm, I must admit that I thought I taught him better than that"

Tsunade just laughed at them "You just wait till Phase two. It's gonna get X-rated in there."

"If it does…" Inoichi sighed "when it does… the monitor goes off. Is that understood?" here he shot a glance in Genma's direction, who had a disappointed look on his face.

"Don't worry, we'll respect her modesty" Tsunade assured him.

"Well that was one interesting display" Anko interrupted and turned to face Tsunade "Has Kakashi gone too?"

They quickly went to the other feed. "No." Tsunade answered her with a bigger grin "He's got his hands full"

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AN: Duh! Duh! Duh! What are Sakura and Kakashi doing? I'm going to be really evil here and leave it to your imagination for a while. I probably won't finish it tonight but I will give it a good try. No reviews yet. Sob. There are actually One shots which have more than me. One shots that are appearing on the just in page. I hope that's not any reflection on my writing skills. Hopefully you are all just two busy reading it to review it? 


	16. Hands full

AN: sorry about the wait. Sorry for the anti climax. Sorry for the lame planning bits. Sorry for the semi-cliffhanger. Just wait for the next bit… it may be amusing. Any thoughts for Phase two are welcome. I've only got a few. Whose POV would you like more of? Disclaimers still apply.

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1454 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter sixteen-Hands full**

"Hey." Sakura smiled as she sat down next to Kakashi, putting the dusting cloth she had in her hand down onto the table.

His eye smiled back at her. "Yo"

"Are you bored?"

"Not really" he told her "Why?"

"It's just that you've gone and lost your book. That's usually all you ever do so I thought you might be looking for something to do." _Other than stare at me. _

"Like what? Did you want help with the cleaning?"

"No. This is Gen-jutsu remember, it doesn't get dirty. I'm just keeping my hands busy." Just to demonstrate, she gave the table a wipe, and then looked back up at him.

"Do you do that often?"

"What, cleaning to keep my hands busy? No. Usually I train, or write, or… " She looked up at the camera again and decided against finishing what she said._ That's too personal for the audience to know._

"Oh" he seemed to brush passed the last comment.

"Are you sure you aren't bored?" she smiled at him again "I would hate it if I was being neglectful company."

"No, go ahead." _"Shannaro! He's hot for us! He likes watching us work" Let's just see if that's the case._

"Alright, well I need a shower so…" she got up to go towards the bathroom.

"Actually… Sakura?" he called her back. She smiled immediately, then readjusted her expression and turned back to him. "Do you think we could just sit and chat for a minute?"

"Is something bothering you Kakashi?" She fake-frowned, as though she was concerned. _Dear Kami I sound like my mother. It's brilliant._

"Um… no… not really. I just… we haven't spoken in years."

"We spoke last night." She pointed out cheerily. "And this morning."

"But… I still feel like I barely know you." He glanced away slightly. _Now I'm the mystery? I don't know anything about him. He's always been the secretive one._

"Fine." She shrugged, and then sat back down beside him "what do you want to know?"

"I don't know."

"_You don't know?! You don't know?! Don't be stupid!" He's so nervous. I've never seen him like this._

"Well… you think about it. Then you can ask whatever you like once I get out of the shower. Actually, yeah, I like that. You get one question, and I promise that I will give you a full and honest answer." This time she got up and left quickly, without interruption.

She locked the door and made sure there was a towel set out for when she got out. She then unlocked the door and took off her clothes before stepping into the shower. _If he wants to look, he can look, but he still needs to make the first step. At least in terms of physical connection. He doesn't respond to forward flirtation, I've seen that whenever Anko tries to make a move. It makes it far too easy for him to shrug it off. The subtle way is working so far. He's definitely looking. I just need to make him want._

She gave a shiver at the thought. _He's still my sensei. Even if not technically. To be trying to make him do these things is just weird. It's not even that it's going to be fake. That's the worst part. I wonder if Ino has figured that out yet. Me and her… we can fake it as much as we like. But for them, the only way that it will work is if they actually feel the attraction for real. They can't very well act in the way they would be expected to in a normal situation, because there is no way that they can calculate anything like that._

_No. This is real. I have to make Kakashi-sensei have real, passionate feelings for me. I can only hope that he manages to overcome it afterwards. Otherwise this mission is never going to end. This is typical of Tsunade. I can guarantee that she isn't the only one watching. She'll have anyone in there that she can make bets with. Once we get out I'm going to have to both get rid of Kakashi-sensei's feelings and sort out Tsunade's financial accounts. What fun._

When she finished her shower, she towel dried her hair and left it loose around her shoulders. She then semi-dried the rest of her body and wrapped it in the towel. It was big enough to leave plenty to the imagination, but the fabric still showed off her adult feminine shape and would make it very obvious that she wore nothing else. _Right. Act like everything is normal. If he's looking, then I'll have to start giving him something worth looking at. Him and whoever Tsunade has watching. Please don't make it be Ero-sennin, or Naruto… my life is over. _

Putting her confident, upbeat face back on, she opened the door and strode into the room. She combed her hair through her fingers before raising her gaze to Kakashi.

It was really hard to tell through his mask what his reaction was, but his one visible eyebrow definitely shot above the level of his hatai-ate. He was frozen in his spot, staring at her.

She smiled innocently at him. "So have you thought about what you are going to ask me?"

He gulped "Um… uh…" Then he tore his gaze away "Shouldn't you go and put some clothes on Sakura?"

"That's your one question?" she said skeptically, and then sighed "Alright then, I'll answer it fully and truthfully, as promised. If you put clothes on skin right after a shower, it doesn't get time to breathe properly, so the liquid does not get to escape. It just makes me feel clammy. So I like to walk around for a bit first, you know, to let myself cool off properly. So the answer is no. I shouldn't go and put some clothes on. Why did you ask? Does it bother you?"

"A little" he admitted quietly.

"You've seen me in less." She reminded him, while heading over to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water, standing against the counter in where she calculated she would be out of camera range._ Try to avoid the term pervert. At all costs. _

"Yes, but…" his voice was cracked as he accidentally looked up at her again. _That was when I was fourteen. I've grown a bit since then. _

"Do you want a drink Kakashi?" she offered with a smile.

He merely nodded dumbly. Any excuse to avoid the conversation.

He obviously didn't remember the fact that when she brought him the drink, she would have to come closer. When she did, he had to look at her. She stood there as his eyes drifted south and smirked.

"Kakashi?"

"Hmm." He didn't look up. _"Say it Sakura! Pervert! Pervert! Pervert!"_

"I'm up he…"

BANG! BANG! BANG! The loud sound echoed off the room from it's origin behind the bed.

Sakura squeaked in shock and leapt at Kakashi. Then to further her surprise, he put his arms around her and held her to his chest. She sunk quickly into his comforting embrace.

The sound stopped quickly but Sakura was still startled. "What the hell was that?!"

"Err…" he hesitated "What?"

"That sound Kakashi! What was it?!"

"Um… I don't know" She felt his arm move awkwardly across her back._ So much for no physical contact…_

"_Pervert! Pervert! Pervert!"_ Inner Sakura continued to chant.

Sakura looked up into his eyes. Both of them. He had taken off his hatai-ate at some point. Now his expression was a little more exposed, but far from clear.

He stared back down at her as she dragged a hand up to rest on his shoulder. She suddenly became a little too aware of their closeness, and of her damp towel against his clothes, the only thing keeping her from him. She forced herself to view this tactically. _It's a bit quick, but he's_ _not resisting, so there's no reason why I should pull away. I'm not taking this further though. His move._

They stood like that for a while before they pulled apart, both looking slightly awkward. Sakura looked down at his torso and cringed "I made your shirt wet"

He looked down himself and nodded. Then he walked off without another word.

"What are you going to do?" she called after him

"Take it off."

Her breath caught. "But said you didn't have any spares"

He simply shrugged and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Sakura went and sat on the bed, dumbstruck. Then she got up and went to her bag, taking out a stick of bubblegum before sitting back down and popping it into her mouth.


	17. Phase two

AN: This one is really short, I know. It's really just plot filler. I toyed with leaving it out and going straight to the kunoichi. It was really written as an ending to chapter sixteen, but that was too long as it was. This is it now. The story is continued in the sequel, "Phase Two". It will eventually be a trilogy of stories, although the next few will probably be shorter. Disclaimer still applies.

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756 words in this chapter

**Missing in Action**

**Chapter seventeen- Phase two**

Kakashi finally walked in as Shikamaru paced the room frantically, belying his usual attitude.

He turned to face the older man and froze in his position, noticing a change in expression but not focusing on any details. That was… until he saw that Kakashi was shirtless.

"Did I interrupt something?" he asked, shocked.

"No." Kakashi assured him with a slightly disappointed glare "You actually caused it"

"Oh." The man's relaxed presence had a calming effect on him and for the first time in the long ten minutes since he left his own room, he found that he could sit down. "So that's what took you so long?"

"It was kind of hard to avoid. I couldn't exactly come straight here after that noise, she would have gotten suspicious."

"Alright. Fine." He sighed. _More like you couldn't tear yourself away._

"Don't do it again though. It scared the shit out of Sakura." Kakashi gave him an accusing look that set him on edge. _With that Sharingan eye exposed, he can be scarier than Sasuke used to be._

"You aren't serious."

"I bloody am. She nearly dropped her towel"

"What?!" he glared at him in shock "Too much information Kakashi."

"Alright. What was so desperately important then?" his eyes seemed to question now, rather than accuse.

"How long did Tsunade say we have to wait until phase two?" he blurted out quickly.

"Why?"

"Just answer the question Kakashi"

"Until tomorrow morning."

Shikamaru gulped "And we aren't allowed to retaliate anything until then?"

"No. Just let it happen" He seemed like he was upset by it aswell.

"I am going to die." He sank into the chair.

"What have you done?" the accusing glare was back.

"I haven't. Not yet but… I can't last any longer. There's no choice. As it stands, if she asked, I would answer, without a doubt. I can't…"

Kakashi sat down on the other chair and gazed at him sympathetically. "What happened Shikamaru?"

"She kissed me." He said in a weak voice.

"That's it?" Kakashi was almost laughing.

"No, I mean… she _kissed_ me. It was so…" he felt like saying something silly, like hmm or something. The very thought of it sent pangs of pleasure through him. "Arghh! This is unbearable… I feel really bad… because she really did put every thing into it, and I couldn't retaliate… I can't wait Kakashi. I want her. Now."

"Dear Kami..." That was all he would say.

"What am I going to do Kakashi?"

"Read? Ignore her? Borrow my mask? Anything to bide your time and stop her. If you get stirred up…" Kakashi signaled towards his crotch "She'll notice and you'll be caught out."

"It's too late for that." Shikamaru blushed. "That's why I rushed out. It got very close. I can't ignore her Kakashi. I-I don't want to."

"If this was a real mission, I'd suggest that you should pull out. I must admit, we're a bit lost at the moment."

"We?"

"Hai. I'm in a very similar situation to be honest, except that I am not getting _any_. At least you are getting a healthy load of action, despite the fact that you can't return it. I'd give my all just to have Sakura show anything like that, but it's like she won't do anything until I do. I'm finding it hard to wait aswell. But other than that, if you give in and give the key, the entire Gen-jutsu on _both_ rooms collapses. We're a team in this. We have to be strong."

Then a piece of paper appeared from nowhere. They went towards it and Shikamaru took it in his hands while he read it out loud.

"_**Hatake. Nara.**_

_**The pair of you are complete idiots by the way, but that's not the point.**_

_**The point is that the game is up. Haruno is too damn clever. **_

_**She has figured it all out. Everything except the key.**_

_**No offence Hatake, but she will win, without doubt.**_

_**Yes, she knows exactly where you are and why you are there.**_

_**My only option is to order you to put Phase two into action now.**_

_**I know that Shikamaru will be relieved by this, but stay calm.**_

_**You still have as long as you want and the same rules apply.**_

_**Have fun,**_

_**Tsunade."**_

They looked at each other for a brief second, but it didn't last long before they both dived out of the room. A second later, two items were flung back into the room. An elastic hair tie, and a black mask.

**The End**

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AN: don't kill me. Read the sequel. It's pretty much a follow on but I don't like stories with thousands of chapters so I split them. Apologies if that's messed up anyone's story alert blah.


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